So first and foremost, my deepest appreciation to twirlynoodle for her dedicated, thorough, and noteworthy observations on my last draft of my TFA application. Each comment was actually rectified in some way shape or form in this next draft.
So here are a few changes I'll eplain first. I acknowledge a criticism my Mother made which I have responded to. She feels my thesis statement should immediately express my desire to teach music. Originally and for a period afterwards, I didn't like that because I want TFA to know that my main goal is to primarily TEACH regardless of the subject area. Now it was twirlynoodle who did not feel the essay was always consistent. Specifically, she took this issue with the opening sentence to the closing paragraph in the last draft. I therefore, felt that I needed to just make sure my opening statement really cover EVERY sentence in the piece. Then naturally, I just rearranged the closing paragrpah because I realized that it looked like just a collection of cliches I copied and pasted from careerbuilder.com . I then looked over the essay and realized that posting my interest in teaching music from the start however, made a lot more sense. I realized that adding the music component in made for a much more heartfelt answer than the previous draft's opening cliche similar so many I have previously riddled the paper with and have worked to eradicate. I also realized that it put all the remarks of the essay into better perspective. A topic sentence should be consistent with every statement in the esay's remainder. And as I am working to advertise myself as a music teacher whose goal is to edcuate students with that art form, I should implement it at the beginning. I stand by my idea that TFA is looking for educators who are out to teach regardless of what. I merely realized in this next drat, that I could cover that point AND that I want to do so through music. I also squeezed in two stories for the third paragraph on how I assess growth. I'm not quite sure it was the best idea to sacrifice description for narration as much I did in paragraph 3, but the content certainly shocases my point. So without further ado, HERE IT IS:
I wish to join Teah for America to provide underprivileged students with the necessary privileges of music education. I have felt immense pride in growth between me and children through such fields as music and seek future achievments with TFA. (40)
It is a prvilege to provide students the essential benefits from arts education. I aim to develop students' abilities and intrisinc devotion to music. All children are inherently artisitc; but many lack opportunities to discover it. Arts classes should have concise goals with prompts from teachers, but should rely on students' creativity. Students should learn to apply creativity in fields within and beyond music. Through my approach, students discover artistic abilities through progressively challenging activities. Each assignment teaches skills necessary for the next activity. Completion earns them the reward of a product they knowingly created. This provides tangible proof of what diligence and effort earns. They aspire to future endeavors with a framework to model after. I benefited from this as a child in choir. Originally, I did not trust my voice to blend with other singers. As choral singing is a team effort in which each voice creates a unified sound, each sound is equally important. My director taught me to trust my voice, make sure I always heard the rest of the choir, and avoid oversinging. Thus, he taught me the musical skill of blend, and core life skills in focusing, teamwork, and self-confidence. The performances taught me what my efforts earned. Applying the skills beyond music, my confidence in academic and social affairs greatly developed too. I hope future students grow from my guidance as I have from such teachers.
I base achievement on growth within a specific timeframe. By observing students, I can identify deficiencies and model goals accordingly. My rhythm exercises for instance, address content standards assessing notes students should identify and perform. These exercises also promote students' appreciation for music and appreciation for each other. First, I observe how well they understand the notes. Then, I observe which students need more help than others. I model examples as the class gradually corrects the material. The more students listen to each other, and me; the more growth they develop. By class's end, I assess reflect on what needs were there at first and how they fulfilled those needs in the time frame. I once assessed a forth-grade class' growth in their intrinsic appreciation of music. When preparing for our next concert, I implemented a game at the end of each rehearsal to reward their efforts. More motivated to earn the game than learn the music, they were originally extrinsically motivated to effectively engage in material. Increasingly, their dedication to the music developed. A point came when they would even sacrifice game time to perfect the music further. They grew from extrinsically motivated children to intrisically dedicated performers. When they performed the material, each student earned the intrinsic reward of having individually been part of such this special performance.
Every student deserves an arts education, but unfrotuantey many are deprived of it. I therefore hope to inspire inner-city youth through my musical passion. In today's necessity for effective teachers, I hope TFA lets me help fill this need.